Truth or Love

by Jeff England

Photo by Aaron Burden

Recently I was reading through Ephesians 4 and had one of those moments that makes bible reading uncomfortable. It hit a little too close to home. Has this ever happened to you?

So here’s the back story. My wife and I had just come home from our small group meeting where we are studying Psalm 119 which extols the greatness and sufficiency of the Word to grow us and sanctify us. When we arrived home, we found that the two younger kids had done something that they had been told not to do on several occasion. Clearly they had selective hearing those times, because they promptly told me how they did not know this particular rule. I very clearly and firmly (maybe one might call it sarcastically) reminded them of this rule and the plethora of times we had talked about it. Then I summarily dismissed them to bed. That will teach them. (Someone really needs to create a sarcasm emoji; I sense a theme.)

So the next morning I was reading through Ephesians 4 (unfortunately, I didn’t take a picture while reading with coffee in hand — #blessed).

Rather, speaking the truth in love, we are to grow up in every way into him who is the head, into Christ, from whom the whole body, joined and held together by every joint with which it is equipped, when each part is working properly, makes the body grow so that it builds itself up in love. (Eph 4:15-16)

So this little phrase “speaking the truth in love” caught my eye, but I kept reading hoping that the unsettled feeling would pass. I was treating the work of the Holy Spirit like indigestion. So I kept reading.

Therefore, having put away falsehood, let each one of you speak the truth with his neighbor, for we are members one of another.
(Eph 4:25)

See there it is, I must speak truth. And who is my closest neighbor? That would be my family. Feeling somewhat vindicated, I read on.

Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear. And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, by whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.
(Eph 4:29-32)

At this point, scripture had me dead to rights. In my goal of speaking truth, I had become self focused. I was more concerned that my rule had been broken than their heart had been broken by my words. I was speaking truth, but it lacked words or a tone that was “good for building up”. It certainly didn’t “give grace to those who heard”, but was in fact, unkind, harsh, and did not point to the grace that God bestows on me.

All this was on my mind throughout the day as I worked. I could not get it out of my head. By the end of the day, I knew there was only one thing I could do. I needed to apologize.

When I got home, I ask the two of them to come sit with me on the couch. I then opened to Ephesians 4 and read the passage. I began to show them, from scripture, how I had sinned against them and then asked for their forgiveness. Do you know the most amazing thing about this story?

They readily forgave me. Without hesitation they showed grace to me that I had not shown them.

We then had an opportunity to look at other passages relating to the same topic. They asked questions and we had a great time discussing how the “Word of God is living and active, sharper than any two-edged sword, piercing to the division of soul and of spirit, of joints and of marrow, and discerning the thoughts and intentions of the heart.” (Heb 4:12)

My sin became the very opportunity to discuss truth in love. It isn’t truth or love, but truth in love.

How about you? Do you find that the very passage needed in the moment is the one that you end up reading next? How is the Word of God changing you?

Photo by Aaron Burden